I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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