I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
