The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
