Me. At least after what I've been through.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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