it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
