Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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