I want to make a zoo with you.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
