my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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