I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Text me some of your sweat
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
