Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
