My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
