Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
