I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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