Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
and you fell through a lawn chair
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
