vagina is talking i cant
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can't turn off my feet"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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