I just pynch a tree in the face
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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