Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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