Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize