So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
