and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just gargled with NyQuil
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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