whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
