can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
