I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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