I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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