walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
