Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
