my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize