Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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