At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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