If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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