one might say we're banned from that church
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize