I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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