We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
