This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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