Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
