I am puke
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He passed out mid-signature
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
