Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
