Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
