I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
sex in a hospital.. check
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
