There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
