So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My balls are so social today.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
