he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
