Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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