I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
