Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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