I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
