can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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