put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
