A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
