theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
