she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
