I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
"it" just moved
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
