i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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