No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
