I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
