And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
