I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
