i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
