At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
